Reader Malcolm forwards an inspired piece penned by Los Angeles Times columnist T.J. Simers that sings the praises of Dodgers GM Ned Colletti. Ken Tremendous at Fire Joe Morgan picks the article apart nicely (F-bomb warning) and is left wondering whether it is parody or straight reporting.
This, of course, is the best kind of humor. If it’s easy to understand, the joke just isn’t that funny. But when you’re left kind of scratching your head and maybe a little unsettled, the person telling the tale has done a masterful job.
I love this passage:
…Colletti looked like a goner before [Casey] Blake and [Manny] Ramirez arrived.
“I didn’t feel it,” Colletti said, and as a general rule — dead men don’t feel anything.
Not that you need me to explain humor, but the use of “as a general rule” in that sentence just kills. Still, my favorite part comes later, on the second page:
THE PADRES are an embarrassment to professional baseball, Colletti a Hall of Famer by way of comparison to San Diego’s duo of dolts, Kevin Towers and Sandy Alderson.
Any dolt can see this. Colletti had the foresight to sign the likes of Jason Schmidt, Juan Pierre, and Andruw Jones to big contracts, and now he is reaping the rewards. His team is playing .500 baseball and giving another .500 team, the Arizona Diamondbacks, a serious run in the battle for supremacy of the Division That Relevance Forgot (TM).
Awesome.
No, man, I mean AWESOME!!! AWESOME!!! AWESOME!!!
But Towers and Alderson have four World Series appearances between them.
Dude, that is so ’90s. You’re living in the past. Next you’re going to start talking about the time you saw Jewel at Inner Change or Uncle Joe’s Big Ol’ Driver at the Casbah (not the new one, mind you, but the tiny old one that became Velvet). Or God help us, you’ll be dropping Anchorman references.
I feel like such a dolt. Anyone want to join me, so we can be a duo of dolts?